When Pigs Fly

Monday Morning Girlfriend returns for the start of the NFL season, this Wednesday, Sept 5th. A Wednesday, you say? Why, yes. Traditionally, the season opener happens on Thursday night, but this year, that time slot coincides with the President's speech at the Democratic National Convention. A Presidential order? Perhaps, but whatever the case, we'll be there.

One Giant Step for New York, One Small Step for Womankind

Congratulations to the New York Giants for winning Super Bowl XLVI against the New England Patriots, 21 to 17. If your man of interest is a Giants fan, you are on the winning team and your future looks bright. If he is a Patriots fan, not so much. Side effects will include, loss of interest (in you), mild fits of rage, and frequent use of foul language. Be patient. Like a Hollywood marriage, it won't last. The bottom line is, football season is over, and you get your man back.

Super Bowl XLVI Cheat Sheet

We've said it before, and we'll say it again. The way to a man's heart is through the score, not his stomach. Your 15-layer nacho dip won't be enough to hold you on Super Bowl Sunday. If you want to be noticed, you need to have perspective. Check out our Super Bowl XLVI cheat sheet below before taking your position on the couch on Sunday at 6:30pm EST.

Why the New York Giants can win:

• Two words: Eli Manning. He’s the only QB to win five post-game games on the road. He’s also hot right now.
•  The defensive line is nothing to be trifled with. It includes Osi Umenyiora, Jason Pierre-Paul and Justin Tuck. Their combined mass probably exceeds that of the entire Pats organization. The Patriots have the second worst defense in the league and defense wins championships. Well, not really, but run with the cliché, anyway.
• Victor Cruz. Not only is he a lovely salsa dancer, but he can catch a ball or two, as well. 

Why the New England Patriots can win:

• Tall, strong and fast never fails. The Patriots have two weapons in tight ends Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski, if Gronkowski plays (high ankle sprain). But, if he doesn’t, at least he’ll be remembered for being that kind of guy who will always give you the shirt off of his back. 
• Tom Brady has to be fuming. He’s coming off his worst playoff game performance, and his ego couldn’t possibly take the shame of a repeat performance. He’s going to bring his A game. Wife Gisele is bringing her prayer game. 
• As much as people tout the Giants D-Line, the Patriots O-Line is right there to protect their prized QB and his hair.
• Finally, the Patriots have a chip on their shoulder from their 2007 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, ruining their perfect season, so they’ll be looking for payback. And, you know what they say, revenge is a dish best served five years later.

What to Contribute to the Conversation:

Nothing impresses a man, like a woman with an insightful and relevant sports nugget. 
Here goes:

Tight ends are becoming a much more important position in the NFL, compared to years ago. In 2011, 5 of the 15 players with the most receptions were tight ends. (We’d make good use of those hard bodies who are good with their hands, too.) Teams like the Pats, who have great ones, are at an advantage, because opposing teams have no real defensive response for them, other than to try to recruit bigger safetys, and they don’t exactly come a dime a dozen. 

For more on this topic, visit the NFL.com.

Are You There, God? It's Me, a Football Wife.

Behind every pretty-boy quarterback is a praying supermodel. Gisele Bundchen, wife of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, sent an e-mail to friends and family asking them to pray for her husband in preparation for Sunday's Super Bowl XLVI game against the New York Giants. Seems as though one of the sweet "friends or family" hit forward to the New York Post instead of reply to Brady's lady. What's wrong with a woman supporting her man, you ask? Nothing, Hilary Clinton, but one can only imagine that Brady and his male ego didn't love the implication he couldn't get by on looks skill alone.

What Would You Do Without Me?

Urban Meyer, former Univ. of Florida football coach was hired by Ohio State. He is returning to football after resigning from Florida last year for health reasons. But he's back now and says he feels good. A 4-year, $6.4 million contract would put almost anyone back on their feet.

Sneakered feet on hardwood is exactly what we can look forward to at Christmas. Santa is coming to town accompanied by the NBA. That's a lot of men in uniform. The powers that be are in the process of setting the schedule for the season, which is now shortened to 66 games, starting on Christmas day.

Over in the NFL, the Green Bay Packers are still undefeated at 11-0 and sadly, the Peyton Manningless Indianapolis Colts are winless at 0-11. Word on the street is that Manning may just retire. What an ego boost to know that some people can't do a thing right without you.

Oh Brother

Thanksgiving is a day for gratitude, gobbling and gridiron. In keeping with family togetherness Thursday, it just so happened that the brothers Harbaugh went face to face as head coaches of the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens. How's that for sibling rivalry? Who do Mom and Dad cheer for? Well, Rafael Nadal, for one, could have used a little support as he lost to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in an attempt to advance to the ATP World Tour Semifinals. After already suffering a really bad loss to Roger Federer, Nadal is questioning his heart for the game and thinks it might be beginning to look a lot like retirement. Over on a different court, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. There are clandestine talks taking place between NBA player reps and owners to salvage the season just in time for Santa. The latest proposal is a 50/50 profit split between players and owners, down from the original 57% going to the players. Meeting halfway sounds fair. Isn't that what relationships are about? Give and take---and take a wee bit more?

The Shirt off of His Back

There's chivalry, and then there's stupidity. New England Patriot rising star Rob Gronkowski Tweeted this pic where he posed with an "adult entertainment" star, whom he reportedly recently met. The Patriots weren't too happy. He apologized saying he didn't intend to hurt the reputation of the Patriots, but wasn't so sorry about sharing his shirt or anything else.

See the story

I Noticed You, Noticing Me

If a bat hits a ball and no one is watching, does it make a sound? Does it even matter? This is pretty much the sentiment of the MLB World Series so far. With no marquee teams, nobody is really watching, but nevertheless, according to Monday Morning Girlfriend bylaw #652 we are obligated to inform you that the series is 3 games to 2 between…., wait who? Oh, yes,  the Texas Rangers and the St Louis Cardinals.

Also a faint memory, will be the Washington Redskins success for the 2011 NFL season, as they lost two key players Sunday. Running back Tim Hightower and wide receiver Santana Moss both suffered injuries, a torn ACL and broken hand respectively. Hightower is out for the season and Moss for five to six weeks, which will conclude the Redskins season anyway. The Indianapolis Colts might have wished their season were over too, as they suffered an embarrassing 62 to 7 loss to the New Orlean Saints who certainly came marching in. Having far better luck on the field than the Colts are the Green Bay Packers who are still undefeated at 7-0, thanks to humble and MMG-approved and single, QB Aaron Rodgers. They held off the Minnesota Vikings for victory. Say that three times fast. Actually, it’s not that hard.

What is hard, however, is being a rugby player. That’s essentially American football sans pads or protection. Sexy, but ouch. New Zealand got down and dirty, down under to win the World Cup on Saturday, over France.

When The Going Gets Tough

Nobody wants to get dumped. We all want to claim we ended things, or at the very least, insist it was mutual, which we know is never the truth. There's always a dumpee. Try telling that to ESPN or Hank Williams Jr., owner/creator of the Monday Night Football song we have heard for years. Turns out Hank isn't ready for our President, as he likened him to Hitler. As a result, ESPN decided to lose the song, but not if you ask Hank. He's singing a different tune and took his song and beat it. Whatever makes the healing easier, Hank.

And recovery can take time, even if you are Tiger Woods, who struggled again on the golf course Thursday, after a 7-week hiatus. Tiger fell out of the top 50 for the first time in 15 years, and conceded that his play was the worst putting he's ever done. We can think of worse.

But, if you are an NBA fan, nothing could be worse than not having a season, which is what things may be shaping up to be. This week, the preseason was cancelled, and the first two weeks of the regular season are being threatened. Why, you ask? Why else do people fight? Money. The owners and players, wallowing in their billions, can't agree how to split revenues. Tiny violin.

Congratulations to the Detroit Tigers for their victory over the NY Yankees. The Tigers head to the American League Championship Series, where they play the Texas Rangers.

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts QB, has been dealing with a pain in the neck. Literally. He's been recovering from neck surgery and therefore has been unable to play this season. This is significant for two reasons -- one, he's kind of a big deal, and two, that messes up his 227 consecutive starting streak. And let's be real, every woman likes a man who shows up when he is expected to. The latest news today is that he may return in December to lend his team a hand. But Philadelphia Eagles QB, Michael Vick could really use it. He was thought to have broken his hand in Sunday's loss to the New York Giants, but turns out it's only bruised. Went to bed broken, woke up badly bruised. Sounds like a recovery pattern after a bad breakup. No word on if he play next Sunday.

Invisible Woman

Right about now you are probably feeling a little neglected. For the majority of a Sunday (and Saturday for college football) you suddenly don't matter as much as you did a week ago. It's not that he's just not that into you, it's that he's just that into football. You'll never be able to compete with a man's attention during the season, particularly week one, so the old adage proves wise, yet again: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Your best best is donning a T-shirt supporting his favorite team. Ah! Ah! We don't want to hear it. There are lots of shirts made specifically for women, and they are actually really sporty, sexy, cute. If you don't have a prospect yet, buy the shirt you like the best, or, for even more attention, by the shirt for your hometown team's rival and wear it out to a sports bar. It's an instant icebreaker and conversation piece--like taking candy from a baby. Consider this your first assignment in your journey to become MVG (Most Valuable Girlfriend.) Love takes work, so here's your perfect excuse to shop. Tax deductible? Probably not. Here are a few of our favorite styles. If you shop today, you get free shipping at NFLSHOP.com. Who can resist that?

By the way, if you have no idea where to find the closest sports bar, look no farther.

Forget Paris

Paris Hilton, nobody extraordinaire, declared out with the term "that's hot" and in with its successor "that's huge." Let's see if we can use this in a sentence three times.



1) Donovan McNabb gets traded from the Philadelphia Eagles to the Washington Redskins, a team in their own division that they'll compete against multiple times in the season. Huge.

2) Tiger Woods gives a press conference and actually answers reporter's questions. [Insert crickets here.] Okay, so that one didn't work.

3) Butler, a no-name Indiana school whose basketball coach looks no older than six, gave Duke, a time-tested national basketball powerhouse, a devilish run for their money for the NCAA Championship. Like, really huge.

Congratulations Duke fans -- that is,  if arrogant and hackneyed basketball programs are your thing.

Hope Does Not Disappoint

Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints who marched their way to Super Bowl 44 victory. Not bad for the underdog. Quarterback Drew Bees was selected as MVP; New Orleans has more to smile about; and maybe, just maybe, Reggie Bush will marry Kim Kardashian. Or not.

Walking In Victory

If you've been losing sleep lately, it may not be over troubled waters. It could be the love matches taking place across international waters--that would be the Australian Open. Obsessions and addictions with Serena, Venus, Federer, Murray, and the like, will tug at your heart strings. Will they stay, will they go, will they fight for what they want? Oh, the trials and tribulations of tennis. In the end, Serena Williams won her second straight Australian Open, making that five total. Work it girl. Roger Federer, once again, proved to be no stranger to victory, sweeping his 16th major on Sunday in a victory over Andy Murray. Like any loser in an emotional battle, Murray was left in tears, wondering when his day would come. We feel you Andy, we really do.

Sometimes, you just gotta know when to fold and know when to hold. Earlier this week, NFL quarterback great, Kurt Warner, decided it was time to call it a day. Brett Favre, are you listening? Please don't hold.

If you happen to be in the market for more football to prime you for next weekend's Superbowl, tune in to the ProBowl (the NFL's All-Star game) Sunday evening at 7:15pm EST. Or if you can't take any more gridiron activity, there's always the old rivalry match-up NBA game between the Boston Celtics and the LA Lakers. Nothing like a clash of egos to occupy a Sunday afternoon.

Cheers.

Supa Star

Kim Kardashian should be happy. If boyfriend Reggie Bush holds true to his highly publicized and tawdry proposal/concession, he will make her an honest woman. Well, ok, so they'll just get married. The New Orleans Saints are heading to the Superbowl, having beaten out the Minnesota Vikings Sunday night. Brett Favre, you're good, but winning was a breeze for the Saints. Across town, the Indianapolis Colts said fuggedaboutit to the ambitious New York Jets, and will meet the Saints for Superbowl 44 on February 7. Prep your party dish.

Playing the Field

If you escaped the weekend without glimpse of football, what (or who) were you looking at? The NFL playoff picture is shaping up, so here's what you should know:
Aging, but still highly effective, Brett Favre and co. lassoed the Dallas Cowboys. Cowboys out. Vikings move on to play the New Orleans Saints who beat the Arizona Cardinals. You catching this?
In the AFC championships, Mark Sanchez and the New York Jets will take on boring as ever Peyton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts.

But what is juicier than all of that, is the Saints' running back, Reggie Bush's proclamation to on-again-off-again--eternal-publicity-stunt girlfriend Kim Kardashian, "I will propose to you if we win against the Vikings." How romantic. A marriage conditional upon a sporting event outcome. What more could a girl want? Real love, maybe? So 1950s.

Human Resources

Former baseball heavy hitter, Mark McGwire kicked off the week with an admission of steroid use during his career. Altruism? No. He just wanted a coaching gig with the Cardinals and had to come clean. No pun intended.

In other org changes, Lane Kiffin took over as head coach for USC since his predecessor,  Pete Carroll, jumped at the head coach job with the Seattle Seahawks. Kiffin was formerly the coach at Tennessee.

Speaking of pretty good coaches, for the second time in four years, Boise State football coach Chris Peterson won the Bear Bryant award that recognizes the nation's best coach.

And in less positive news, Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas was charged with a felony for carrying a gun without a license. Word on the street, and locker room, is that he won't be a Wizard for long and if the law allows, his eighty-something-million-dollar contract will be voided. Nice way to start off the new year, buddy.

Playing For Keeps

If your relationship made it through college football bowl season, chances are it can survive anything. Last week college football saw Alabama win the championship title. Our dear friend and Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas, managed to get himself suspended indefinitely for the little show-down-at-the-locker-room-corral stunt that he pulled on his teammate. Tiger is still no where to be found, and that's all fine and dandy, but the real whoop-dee-doo came from NFL wildcard weekend. In the AFC, Baltimore will play Indy and the NY Jets will play the San Diego Chargers. In the NFC, it's Dallas against Minnesota and Arizona against New Orleans.

Weekends Gone Wild

Nothing like showing up to work on Monday morning only to get fired. You've got to know the rest of the week is only going down hill from there. This is the plight of Washington Redskins head coach, Jim Zorn. After two failed seasons, he's out of there. This is what happens when you've had no previous professional coaching experience and were hired out of desperation.

This past weekend wrapped up the regular NFL season. In order to set the playoff picture, some "wild card" games will take place on Sunday.  Our friends at Wikipedia have so nicely explained how it all works:

"The first round of the playoffs is dubbed the Wild Card Playoffs (or Wild Card Weekend). In this round, the third-seeded division winner hosts the sixth seed wild card, and the fourth seed hosts the fifth. The 1 and 2 seeds from each conference receive a bye in the first round, which entitles these teams to automatic advancement to the second round, the Divisional Playoffs, where they face the Wild Card Weekend survivors. Unlike the NBA, the NFL does not use predetermined brackets. In the second round of the playoffs, the top seed always hosts the lowest surviving seed, while the other two teams pair off. The two surviving teams from each conference's Divisional Playoff games meet in the respective AFC and NFC Conference Championship games, with the winners of those contests going on to face one another in the Super Bowl."

Wikipedia National Football League Playoffs

You should know that all four wild-card games will be a rematch from the regular season, including three from Week 17. The NY Jets-Cincinnati Bengals rematch is the only one that will be at a different site from their regular-season meeting. This nugget'o'trivia may put you in good standing.

But does any of this really matter when The Bachelor, with Jake the pilot, premieres Monday evening at 8pm EST on ABC?

If that's not a reason to throw a party, then watch the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl tonight with TCU against Boise St. Chips optional.

Holiday Transactions

While you've been chugging eggnog and scrounging up all of your holiday money to acquire some Louboutins, our men friends have been in their own set of holiday heaven. Welcome to college football bowl and NFL playoff-determining seasons. Time for giving and receiving.

Also time for letting go. Mike Leach, head coach for Texas Tech, was fired after a player alleged that he confined him to small dark spaces while the team practiced. This because the player had a concussion. New age healing?  Initially Leach was suspended. Then, after he became less than cooperative and rather litigious, Texas Tech, came back one stronger and fired him just before he was due his $800K bonus. That's gonna leave a mark on the Christmas budget.

Also, while you were out shopping, Urban Meyer, Florida's head football coach, took a leave of absence after the SEC Championship game, citing health reasons. Meyer is an icon in college football coaching and is stepping away to put health, family and faith before the game. Good call.

Finally, working on your birthday is never fun, but you can kind of get over it when you are paid millions to do so. Happy Birthday to LeBron James, who turned "25" today. Those in attendance of Wednesday's game are all witnesses.

Oh, and be forewarned. On December 31st, ESPN (your nemisis) is airing 12 hours of college basketball from 12 p.m to 12 a.m. Just what you had in mind to bring in the new year, we're sure.