That Little Birdie

The dry spell is over. Maybe not yours, but Tiger Woods' is. For the first time since, 2009, Tiger won a tournament. That's essentially 749 days and 26 dates with nobody you'd even want to have dessert with. Yikes. He beat former Masters Champion, Zach Johnson for the big win at the Chevron World Challenge.

Out of the Woods

The US team won the Presidents Cup in golf Sunday and Fred Couples is riding high because he selected Tiger Woods for the team despite much fairway chatter. Some were tee'd off at the pick, but for the first time in a long time Tiger Woods has a spark.  Nothing compared to Tony Stewart, however, who passed 118 cars to win the NASCAR championship with his win at this Sunday's Homestead-Miami race. Stewart was bumming all summer because of his poor start and ruled out any hopes of any winning prospects, but apparently a slow summer can lead to a fruitful winter. Wait, are we still talking about racing?

Monday Blues

Many people think Tiger Woods is a wiener. Some go as far to throw one at him. That's right, on the course, while Tiger was about to putt, a man rushed through the crowd and threw a hotdog, bun and all, toward Tiger. Yes, Tiger was behind, but it was going to take more than that to ketchup. In the end, it was Bryce Molder who got to relish in the prize money with his first win after playing 132 tournaments. Apparently good things do come to those who wait. Waiting is what NBA fans may be doing for their season which is supposed to start November 1. The sides had another "talk" over their prenup today, to no avail. The first two weeks of the season were looking as bleak as some of your prospects, and have now been cancelled by the commissioner, David Stern. Turning to baseball, the Detroit Tigers know a little something about bleak, being down two games to the Texas Rangers in the ALCS. Over in the NLCS, the Milwaukee Brewers and St Louis Cardinals are even at a game a piece.

When The Going Gets Tough

Nobody wants to get dumped. We all want to claim we ended things, or at the very least, insist it was mutual, which we know is never the truth. There's always a dumpee. Try telling that to ESPN or Hank Williams Jr., owner/creator of the Monday Night Football song we have heard for years. Turns out Hank isn't ready for our President, as he likened him to Hitler. As a result, ESPN decided to lose the song, but not if you ask Hank. He's singing a different tune and took his song and beat it. Whatever makes the healing easier, Hank.

And recovery can take time, even if you are Tiger Woods, who struggled again on the golf course Thursday, after a 7-week hiatus. Tiger fell out of the top 50 for the first time in 15 years, and conceded that his play was the worst putting he's ever done. We can think of worse.

But, if you are an NBA fan, nothing could be worse than not having a season, which is what things may be shaping up to be. This week, the preseason was cancelled, and the first two weeks of the regular season are being threatened. Why, you ask? Why else do people fight? Money. The owners and players, wallowing in their billions, can't agree how to split revenues. Tiny violin.

Congratulations to the Detroit Tigers for their victory over the NY Yankees. The Tigers head to the American League Championship Series, where they play the Texas Rangers.

When A (Master) Plan Comes Together

There are only two things to say about the Masters: We love it when a man who loves his wife and family finishes first. And secretly, we love it when a man who cheats on his wife and family is green with envy. Congratulations Phil Mickelson.

Forget Paris

Paris Hilton, nobody extraordinaire, declared out with the term "that's hot" and in with its successor "that's huge." Let's see if we can use this in a sentence three times.



1) Donovan McNabb gets traded from the Philadelphia Eagles to the Washington Redskins, a team in their own division that they'll compete against multiple times in the season. Huge.

2) Tiger Woods gives a press conference and actually answers reporter's questions. [Insert crickets here.] Okay, so that one didn't work.

3) Butler, a no-name Indiana school whose basketball coach looks no older than six, gave Duke, a time-tested national basketball powerhouse, a devilish run for their money for the NCAA Championship. Like, really huge.

Congratulations Duke fans -- that is,  if arrogant and hackneyed basketball programs are your thing.

Mending Fences -- Along the Fairway, That Is.

Tiger Woods announced he is making his return to golf in April for The Masters Tournament in Augusta. He concedes he still has a lot of work to do at home. Yes, that would be an understatement.

Pants On The Ground

Not that it's any of our business, it looks like Tiger Woods has checked into a Mississippi clinic for rehab. What type of rehab, you ask? Your guess is, most surely, as good as ours. It's been reported that his handlers urged him to check in, citing that the public would more easily forgive his transgressions if indeed he could attribute them to a sex addiction, rather than plain old disregard for his wife and children and, oh, the sacred covenant of marriage. In other words, do what you need to do to get back to the game before you lose another endorser and we're out of a job.

Small Victories

It turns out Tiger Woods is on track to lose endorsers faster than he lost his mind when straying from his marriage. Accenture, a global consulting company, announced that the two are no longer a good fit. Elin, his wife, might be having similar thoughts. Tiger is taking time away from the game to work on something slightly more important -- his duties as a father and husband. This concludes our golf report.

Saturday was an important day for egos in college football. The Heisman Trophy, honoring the most outstanding player in college football, was awarded to Mark Ingram, a running back from Alabama. He is the first Alabama player to win the award, which is surprising given the strength of the program.

Though we have a reprieve from college football play until January, college basketball replaces it with equal opportunity to bust up a perfectly good weekend or meaningful conversation. Say one sentence like, "Oh, I see Cincinnati and Xavier are all tied up in overtime" and your precious one-on-one time is over. We must warn you, Monday Morning Girlfriends, the knowledge we provide is to be applied skillfully and thoughtfully. Never, ever, under any circumstance, spew out random sports facts, like the one above, if your man is NOT watching or thinking about the game. If you have his undivided attention, keep it that way, and start talking about your recent pedicure. Mention a game score and you're as good as forgotten.  

Xavier won, by the way, in an upset in double overtime. While we are on the subject, Temple beat Villanova, a top five team. Everything, as you see, in college sports, is about rankings. Perhaps, sports imitating (love) life?

Shutting It Down

So, Tiger's case has swiftly concluded and wrapped up with a mere traffic ticket issued by the State Troopers. Just like that it's all over. Money talks--or doesn't. There is still speculation that he has been unfaithful in his marriage. A professional athlete cheating on his wife, is unfortunately not news, so we'll move on.

Florida State's head football coach, Bobby Bowden, is retiring after 44 years at the conclusion of the season. He is the second winningest coach in college football and 80 years old. As he said, nothing lasts forever, but he's darn near close.

The New Orleans Saints are hoping their win streak does though. The took down the New England Patriots in Monday Night Football and remained undefeated.

If At First You Don't Succeed, You'll Get Talked About or Fired

So it may not be golf season, but the world never takes a break from Tiger Woods (or gossip), especially when his squeaky clean image is threatened with the slightest amount of tarnish. Woods crashed his SUV right outside his driveway into a neighbor's tree on Friday. At 2 a.m. Hmmmm.  You kind of have to wonder if he yelled, "Four!" The details of the incident involve his wife running out and smashing out the back window with a club to save him. Hmmmm. Woods was laying down in the driveway with cuts and bruises on his face. Hmmmmm. He hasn't spoken to the media, other than releasing a statement on his website about the embarrassment of the incident and dispelling any rumors that there was trouble at home. Mmmmhmm.

With that, we move to college football, which is nicely wrapping up. For the second year in a row, the Southeastern Conference championship game will be Florida (#1) against Alabama (#2).
Also in college football news is the fate of Notre Dame's head coach, Charlie Weis, who after Saturday's loss to Standford, awaits the call from Notre Dame's athletic director. To keep or not to keep. That is the question.

Weis isn't the only head coach off to bad start this year. Try 0-16. The NBA's New Jersey Nets fired head coach Lawrence Frank for this stellar display of leadership for the start of the season.

And if you're still counting, yes the Indianapolis Colts of the NFL are yet defeated.  Yawn.

Guess who's coming to dinner? Came to dinner, really. Quarterback Tim Tebow made his return to play with the Florida Gators after suffering a severe concussion. This was bad news for the LSU Tigers who got chomped by Florida Saturday. Florida remains #1 in the rankings. New to #2 is Alabama, who snuck in there after a win over Mississippi.

Speaking of wins, the Yankees and Angels scored a few good moves (we're talking beyond third base) and swept their respective opponents in the American League Division Series. The two teams now face each other in the American League Championship Series. All of these series names can get so complex. If they want to be together, they should just be and forget about the titles. We're just saying...


Tiger Woods picked up another win and check Sunday after completing the five-day match for the President's Cup, with his fellow golfing American teammates. Woods won all five matches of the President's Cup. Yawn. He's the third player in history to do so.

First and foremost, if you haven't caught the ESPN Body Issue that came out Thursday, do yourself a favor and take a gander. It is an impressive spread on the most admired bodies of professional athletes and a reminder to us all that "Diet starts Monday!"
http://insider.espn.go.com/insider/magazine/body/issue

So you can plan your weekend and manage your 'tude effectively, here's a look at upcoming games this weekend, starting with college football where #1 Florida takes on #4 LSU. Big deal here is that Florida's QB, Tim Tebow hasn't been playing because of a concussion from a head and neck injury. Whether he'll show up on Saturday is anybody's guess. (Yes, we are still talking about football.) Another big matchup is #3 Alabama v. #20 Mississippi. Why? Both are top 25 teams. Anytime top 25 teams play each other, it tends to garner a lot of excitement. The same excitement you get from receiving flowers, only the top 25 teams playing each other is a much more frequent occurrence.

In the NFL, the Denver Broncos look to remain undefeated as they match up against the New England Patriots. Braylon Edwards will make his debut with the NY Jets and Ochocinco (formerly Chad Johnson) of the Cinncinati Bengals promises to do a "Ricky Bobby" dance in the endzone after scoring against the Baltimore Ravens. Not familiar? YouTube has plenty of clips from people more than willing to demonstrate.

In case you didn't hear, there's more Tiger lurking in the woods. Friday it was announced that golf, along with rugby will become official sports in the 2016 and 2020 Olympics, now making the games the Tiger Woods and Michael Phelp show.

Before you go, time for a quick recap on Thursday night MLB playoff resuts:
L.A. Angels beat the Boston Red Sox in game 1 and play game 2 Friday night
L.A. Dodgers beat the St. Louis Cardinals for the second time
Colorado Rockies beat the Philadelphia Phillies tying the series a game a piece
NY Yankees go for second win against the Minnesota Twins Friday evening.

Something For Everyone

The big game on Saturday for college football was Penn State vs. Iowa. Last year, the Iowa Hawkeyes upset the Penn State Nittany Lions, so the rematch this year had Penn State fans looking to prove it was a fluke. It wasn't. Iowa roared and Penn State went out like a lion. Despite the upsets and the fact that four top ten teams lost, the top 3 teams, (1) Florida, (2) Texas and (3) Alabama are sitting tight.
Turning to the pros on Sunday, you may have seen some retro uniforms during NFL games this season and there are lots more to come. The AFC Legacy Program, marking the 50th anniversary of the original 8 AFC teams, means AFC teams will wear retro uniforms when playing each other (as opposed to NFC teams). The NFL is made up of two divisions -- AFC and NFC.
Some key NFL notes from Sunday's action:

• Michael Vick of the Philadelphia Eagles played in his first NFL game since he let the dogs out. Starting quarterback Donovan McNabb did not play due to injury.
• The Washington Redskins lost to perhaps the worst team in the NFL, the Detroit Lions. According to the football talking heads, this loss could result in the firing of head coach Jim Zorn.
• Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings shocked the San Franciso 49ers in a win Sunday, keeping the Vikings undeafeated so far this season.

On the fairway, Tiger Woods, won the Fed Ex Cup on Sunday. Phil Mickelson, who came in second, missed his chance to clinch the cup even though he won the Tour Championship Sunday. The rules surrounding winning the Fed Ex Cup are too complicated for even most pro golfers to understand, so we won't even go there. Bottom line, Tiger takes the cup and the $10 million dollars. Shocker.



What may come as a surprise, is the WNBA's Lisa Leslie's retirement. We know most men don't care about women's basketball, but Leslie of the Los Angeles Sparks can take many of those same men who wouldn't give her the time of day on the court. The Sparks lost to the Phoenix Mercury, marking Leslie's final WNBA game. Phoenix will face the Indiana Fever in the championship series starting Tuesday.


Finally, in baseball news, the NY Yankees clinched the divisional title against the Boston Red Sox, their first in three years. Next step would be winning the World Series.

 Photo by Alturrick Kenney

This Is Why Your Weekend Sucked

Consider yourself lucky if your weekend plans actually held up. This was a big sports weekend, so plenty of room for neglect starting with college football on Saturday. USC beat Ohio State in their 10th straight win over a Big Ten team. Houston beat Oklahoma State and Notre Dame was upset by Michigan, but probably no more upset than you were about playing second fiddle to a bunch of men running around on a field. Michigan now ranks in the top 25 with this win.

If you caught attitude with your man, chances are it wasn't nearly as bad as the 'tude that Serena Williams gave U.S. Open officials when called for a foot fault on her second serve. Net net (no pun intended) she busted a raquet and kindly uttered 4-letter explotives to the line judge, cost herself the game and $10,500 in fines. But when you own part of the Miami Dolphins, that's lunch money. Speaking of lunch, Roger Federer had his opponent, Novac Djokovic, for just that and advanced to the final with the aid of a fancy between-the-leg shot that led to his win.

On to pro football. Donovan McNabb of the Philadelphia Eagles fractured a rib late in the game. Cutie pie Mark Sanchez (see Men in Uniform) played well in the NY Jet's opener and Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints threw for 6 touchdowns Sunday--very impressive.

Also impressive was Tiger Wood's showing this weekend at the BMW Championship. Saturday he finished 9 under par and Sunday went on to finish up the remainder of the child's play. This is his sixth victory of the year and it earns him the number one seed in the final tournament of the Fex Ex Cup.

So, as you can see, there was a lot going on this weekend and more to come, but this should help you get a little closer to his heart and help you score a few touchdowns of your own.

Preseason football means lots of talk about stuff that really isn't news, but football heads are so eager that it's pigskin season, so any incident becomes a story. Which is why we are talking about New England Patriots QB Tom Brady's possibly injured shoulder. Possibly. Brady (possibly) injured his shoulder in Friday night's preason game against the Washington Redskins, possibly. Defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth basically sat on it. 6'6", 350 pounds--that's bound to leave a mark, not to mention turn a "possibly" into a "heck yeah." Patriots head coach, Bill Belichick, says nothing is wrong with Brady's shoulder and that Brady only came out of the game because they were already making substitutions for backups and besides it was just a normal bump and bruise that is part of the game, and the fact that he was nursing it on the sidelines means nothing and Brady didn't return in the 3rd quarter with the rest of the starters because they were testing out another quarterback. Pinky swear.
So, you've read lately of a few NFL players and their scathing infractions. Another NFL player clearly not striving to be man of the year, Brandon Marshall of the Denver Broncos, was suspended from the team Thursday for the preason. Why? He wanted to be traded and was trying to prove that while there may not be an I in team, there certainly is a me. The Broncos call this "conduct detrimental to the team." Not showing up for practices, generally is. Next time you are unhappy with a situation at work, just don't show up for meetings and throw a few tantrums for good measure and let us know how that works out for you.
So, we move onto a sport characterized by a little bit more grace and aplomb: Tennis, specifically the U.S Open, where round one starts Monday in New York. Tennis greats such as Roger Federer, Andy Roddick, Venus and Serena Williams and James Blake are all scheduled to play, provided no "detrimental conduct" is exhibited.
And finally, we bring you news that Tiger fell short in the woods to yet another underdog; this time at The Barclays to Heath Slocum. Slocum swung his way to victory, but Tiger still walked away with the headline.

In case you are wondering if there is anything else newsworthy in sports other than Tiger Woods, when he is playing, his fans will tell you a quick and resounding no, which is why yet, again, he is the lead story for the day. In the final round of the 91st PGA Championship, Tiger went in with a two stroke lead and, as usual, favored to win. Padraig Harrington was expected to give him a run for his money (of which he has lots and lots), but Y.E. Yang of South Korea snuck up and took the lead from T Dub. Tiger's chance at a championship win this year came down the final (18th) hole, but Yang snatched the heaviest trophy in sports from Woods' paws to beat him by three strokes overall. Grrrrr.
 
As quickly as the championship escaped Woods, Jamaica's 100m sprinter Usain Bolt won the world championship in Berlin with a time of 9.58 seconds beating the world record again. His previous best time was 9.69 at the Beijing Olympics. With a last name such as his, so many bad puns come to mind, but we'll refrain from striking.


In tennis news, it was the Andy and Andy show in Montreal for the Roger's Cup, but only one of the deuces would find love. Andy Murray beat Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, while Andy Roddick got served and lost to Juan Martin Del Potro.

Tiger Woods (yep, him again) was grrrrrreat today and leads (-5) after the first round of the PGA Championship. On the other hand, John Daly withdrew from play citing back problems. Maybe everybody should go ahead and withdraw when Tiger plays. Just a thought.

Uh oh. The Cleveland Brown's Dante Stallworth was suspended today, without pay, for the entire 2009 season for violating NFL substance abuse and personal conduct policy, also known as DUI with manslaughter. Stallworth issued the following statement afterward: "Regardless of the length of my suspension, I will carry the burden of Mr. Reyes' death for the rest of my life. I urge NFL fans not to judge NFL players or me based on my tragic lapse in judgment. I am a good person who did a bad thing. I will use the period of my suspension to reflect, fulfill my obligations, and use this experience to make a positive impact on the lives of those who look up to NFL players."

In other NFL role-model news, Michael Vick got a bone thrown his way Thursday and signed a two-year contract with the Philadelphia Eagles. He was previously suspended and jailed for his involvement in dog fighting.

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Tiger Woods won, yet again, at the Bridgestone Invitational in late game rally--par for the course, really. Tiger came from behind on the famously difficult 16th hole, aptly nicknamed "The Monster", upsetting Padraig Harrington (literally) to take home the trophy, oh and $1.4 million. This is his second consecutive PGA Tour win.

Are you ready for some football? It's about that time. Preaseason football attempts to fill the Sunday void suffered by football fans, but creates one for their loved ones. Consider tonight, a practice run for your coping mechanisms. The National Football League's mischief maker and, who are we kidding, adonis, Terrell Owens, gets TV time tonight with, his new team, the Buffalo Bills playing the Tennesee Titans in the Annual Hall of Fame Game. Preceding the game is the annual induction ceremony, which this year includes inductees Bob Hayes, Randall McDaniel, Bruce Smith, Derrick Thomas, Ralph Wilson and Rod Woodson. It's kind of a big deal.

Major League Baseball BFFs Boston Redsox and New York Yankees play the final of their four-game match up tonight. This is pretty much the biggest rivalry in baseball. The Yankees hope to sweep the Sox and give New Yorkers much to brag about. As if they need an excuse.

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Roger Federer won his 15th grand slam title in a 4-plus hour match over Andy Roddick at Wimbledon. Looking mighty dapper in his white and gold Nike duds, we might add. Federer's win is significant because he beat Pete Sampras' record of 14. Dejected Roddick gave Federer a run for his money, but in the end, couldn't pull out a win. Serena, however, did just that in a sibling rivalry, where she outplayed older sister, Venus, to win the singles title. Venus didn't leave England empty handed, as she and Serena kept it all in the family by going on to win the doubles title. Mom watched while Dad went home to cut the grass.

Speaking of grass and other illegal substances, Manny Ramirez made his return to the Dodgers after his 50-game suspension for steriod use. The Dodgers faired just fine without him, which really has to make one question whether the "juice" was even worth it.

Manny wasn't the only athlete back on the scene. Lance Armstrong came in 10th at this weekend's stage of the Tour de France. This is Lance's return to the sport after retiring in 2006. Perhaps Lance just wants to see if he still has it, or maybe just needs the prize money to support all his children, particularly with the June birth of his most recent.

On the subject of "cubs", Tiger Woods fittingly won his eponomous PGA charity tour, which benefits kids and Armed Forces.

And sadly, the football world mourns the loss of former NFL quarterback Steve Mcnair who was found shot along with girlfriend in his Tennessee condo. McNair, 36, leaves behind a wife and four children.